


Imitation is the most dishonest form of flattery

by FailureArtist



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Jealousy, Kismesis, post-Sgurb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-28
Updated: 2012-02-28
Packaged: 2017-10-31 21:19:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/348466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FailureArtist/pseuds/FailureArtist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Vriska disapproves of Tavros' choice of kismesises.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Imitation is the most dishonest form of flattery

This takes place in a post-Sgrub world where troll civilization is reborn (with changes) and everyone is alive and sort of happy.

 

Even though it’s been Hussed, in this ficlet troll blood comes in 330 different colors (not including mutant red) and they are measured in degrees. Aradia’s blood is 0º, Tavros’ blood is 30º, and it goes up in intervals of 30 (except for Nepeta) until 330º, Feferi and the Empress’ blood.

 

\---

 

It was that weird time between lunch and dinner and Tavros was spending it eating a vegetable spread sandwich when Vriska barged into the empty indoor cafe.

 

“Are you tryiiiiiiing to piss me off, Nitwit-tram!?” she yelled.

 

Tavros almost spat out his sandwich, but instead he quickly swallowed.

 

“Uhh, uhhh,” he said, “If this is black flirting, and if you are suggesting, that I’ve been making advances, I have to tell you, I already have a kismesis, and you also have...”

 

“Yes, you have a kismesis! That’s exactly what I’m talking about!”

 

“Huh? What about her?”

 

 Vriska stomped from the archway to his table.

 

“She...” She pointed outside as if to an imaginary person. “...is a blueblood.”

 

Tavros’ bushy eyebrows went down. “There’s nothing wrong with that! We’re all equal now, cause Feferi said so!”

 

“Do you know her exact degree?”

 

“Uhh, no? Does anyone count that anymore?”

 

“Two hundred teeeeeeeen fucking degrees! Do you know my degree? I’ll fucking tell you, it’s the same goddamn number!”

 

“Is that a bad number? Because I always thought cerulean blood was supposed to be good, because Equius thinks you are equal to him, even though your blood is lower, on the scale.”

 

“I don’t care if she was a purpleblood, but it’s awful fishy you choosing a girl with the exact same blood as me!”

 

“I think, that would be called a coincidence, because her blood isn’t rare, and there is a lot of people in the Empire with blood of her color.”

 

She pointed her hook-shaped horn. “How many girls have a horn exaaaaaaactly like this one?”

 

“But she has two, whereas you have only one, that looks like that. And she has two arms, whereas you, uhh, don’t.”

 

“She’s the only one so far who’s come to you with aaaaaaaall her limbs! All your other kismesises were equipped with cool metal limbs!” She flexed her robotic arm in an almost sensual manner. “It’s like you share Equius’ gross sweaty boner for fembots!”

 

Tavros swung his metal legs. “It’s not a fetish! I just meet a lot of girls with disabilities, because we run in the same circles.”

 

“How much goddamn time do you spend in the waiting block chatting up all the patients? And why is it always black, not red?”

 

“Well, I already have my red quadrants filled, with Gamzee, and with Kanaya, so I need someone black.”

 

“You are such a black slut! Five kismesises in one sweep, two of them going ashen, one going flushed, and now a new one! At this rate you’ll be on lucky number eight by next sweep!”

 

“Have you really been keeping that close a track, of my love life? I don’t see how you know, since we never talk, anymore.”

 

“I’m not stalking you!” she answered nervously, and then grinned. “It’s just when you spreeeeeeeead yourself around that much, people pay attention. Kanaya is especially bad with gossip.”

 

“She hasn’t talked to you, in a long time.” He added, “And you can’t read her mind.”

 

“But I can read your mind. You still haven’t learned to perfectly shut me out. I can hear you get laid from a miiiiiiiile away.”

 

“That’s...creepy. It really does sound like you are stalking me.”

 

“It’s not like I want to find out every time I go downtown you’re doing the same to that clown of yours!” she answered defensively, “By the way, I didn’t plan to run into you, I just got lucky.”

 

“I think it’s just a coincidence, too, that I keep meeting girls, that have some similarities to you.”

 

“They have all the similarities to me! All of them!”

 

“All of them?”

 

 “There isn’t one that doesn’t share something with me!” She counted out on her robotic fingers. “Four had robotic limbs, two had eye patches, and one of them was psychic! A blueblood psychic! Do you know how rare that is?” She pointed to her cerulean eyes. “Goddamnit, do you know how rare it is for a highblood to dare date someone a whole 180 degrees lower than them? And don’t say anything about Feferi, she can’t force anyone to pail anymore!”

 

“More and more bluebloods are dating lowbloods, like Equius, who’s dating Aradia. Color doesn’t matter.”

 

“I think color matters to you. You just can’t drink enough buckets of bluuuuuuuue genetic material!”

 

Tavros’ face went copper.

 

“You shouldn’t talk about such drinking such things, in an eating place, because it’ll just make people lose their appetite.”

 

Vriska looked around the cafe, empty except for a solitary worker behind the counter who was busy listening to his headphones. She rolled her eyes and turned back to Tavros.

 

“It’s disgusting just thinking about you having any sex,” she said. Her voice turned low and seductive. “What do you doooooooo with all those black lovers? Do you just let them walk all over your paralyzed body like you let everyone else, or...” She started playing with the sharp tips of his horn. “Do you actually show them the horns?” She pulled back. “That must be a fucking hilarious sight, watching you top. Bigger laugh riot than your clown friend could ever miracle up.”

 

Tavros reared back his head. “You shouldn’t talk about my lovers, since I don’t talk about yours, and...” He turned his head as far as he could without hitting her. “And you shouldn’t be talking to me at all!”

 

She pointed at him. “You started it! Are you trying to make me jealous? A sweeps too fucking long to play that game. You’re going to lose, loser! Terezi is smarter than you, more confident than you, and she’s gone through puberty!”

 

“I’m not interested in you, so please go away and let me eat my sandwich, in peace.”

 

“You are interested in me, and I’ll prove it!”

 

She picked him up out of the chair by his shoulders and kissed him. As suddenly as she did this, she dropped him and he fell backwards in his chair. The server finally looked over with dull surprise.

 

“Now get over me!” Vriska yelled.

 

She walked to the archway, flipped her head around, and added, “I’ve gotten over you, Tavros.”

 

Tavros laid on the floor, unhelped by the server. He licked his lips and tasted her on his mouth. Perhaps she was right, he thought. Just a little bit, of course.

 

Epilogue

 

Vriska thought it was a good idea for her to walk sloooooooowly away from that cafe. Otherwise, that lovesick dork wouldn’t have caught up with her. It was also good this indoor commerce hub had a cheap commerical lodging facility. The minute they got into the rented block Tavros charged at her. Their battle was totally physical, not like the mind games Terezi played. There was no strategy. He just kept pushing her down until he got her where he wanted. He was now fucking her with her face pushed deep into the carpet. For someone who couldn’t stop stuttering his rhythm was on the dot and his bone bulge made even John’s feel inadequate. Vriska was planning on laughing at him but now she could barely breath. It was soooooooo good. She was close to bursting all over carpet when that big bone bulge went soft. She felt it pull away from her leaving her so empty. She turned around to see it curl back into Tavros’ body.

 

“Sorry,” he said, “I was right the first time.”   


End file.
